Posted by: charityliz | September 7, 2010

homesick

WARNING:  If you prefer NOT to read long, introspective, slightly sad and a little emotional reflections, just skip this post.  I even pondered if I should write this stuff down for the world to see, since I feel like it’s much more preferable to write and read about fun and amusing things, however this blog is about my current adventures, and it seems that this is part of them…

———————

I have officially hit my homesick phase.  I had hoped that it would just be a day or two of feeling a little less than excited about this new life, but a couple days has turned into 2 weeks of feeling like the adventure of moving has simply lost its luster.
Of course I knew this was bound to happen–previous experience with moving could predict it, my old counseling textbooks give the reason for it, and anyone who knows how much I love my friends and home on the Central Coast would have totally expected it.   It’s just good ole fashioned homesickness–but it still sucks (for lack of a better descriptor).

But even though this leaves me in a  very real and somewhat sad state at times,  the introspective person in me is learning a lot about myself that I didn’t know before….

1.  I can go several years without having a good cry (not because I’ve held back emotions, but because there wasn’t much to cry about)….and then the swinging pendulum of life throws me to the other side where tears and reminiscing are almost a daily occurence.  Its almost bizarre. But I must say, .sometimes it just helps to have a good cry!  However, I’ve also learned that too much crying can cause a headache the following day (which I think is a funny way to help me pull myself together before Niagra Falls turns into tomorrow’s migrane)!

2.  As I was chatting with a few friends about some of this homesickness this past weekend, they were quick to remind me that the absence of homesickness in my experience right now would be more concerning to them than the existence of it.  As much as I would prefer to be content and happy all the time, deep down inside I totally agree with my friends.   I find an odd sense of confirmation that I truly do value my life and friends back home, as evidenced in how much I miss them.

3. Another wise friend compared my feelings to that of the typical ” buyer’s remorse” that can happen after a huge decision/purchase, even if it was the right decision in the long run.  Picking up and starting a new job, moving to a new city alone and hoping for the best is a HUGE decision and has some inherent risks–like buying a home.  And while I might have days/ moments when I wish I’d never moved, any extended reflection on how I would feel if I hadn’t made the leap and just stayed home will bring me back to the fact that this move is truly the right thing for me right now.

4. I’ve been learning that even while homesickness may be natural, there is so much to be said for keeping perspective. Ironically (or perhaps providentially) I happen to be reading through the books of Job and Ecclesiastes the past few weeks– just happens to be on the plan for reading through the bible in a year.

The story of Job definetely sheds some obvious perspective on my situation.  In one one of my blubbering moments (i.e. tears combined with, lots of “whoa is me”and “I’ve lost all my friends and everything I love”, etc.), I was gently reminded of Job–the guy that went from having it all to having nothing in a matter of days.  He really did lose nearly everything but his life.  Clearly, I’m no where close to this.  It’s ridiculous to even compare (because I still do in fact have so much–a great job, my health, a wonderful place to live, and lots of amazing friends that just happen to be a few hours away by car and seconds away by phone). Job’s life puts mine in perspective.  But even better, his attitude schools me. Job spent plenty of time questioning God and was truly hurt over by the losses he experienced, but in the end, he actually chose to trust God, knowing that his life was, in fact, in the hands of the One who made him.  Again, I can’t even compare my life to Job’s, but it’s funny how his life gives me perspective on my life and ultimately reminds me that it’s in the hands of Him who made me.

Ecclesiastes is a book I’m not very familiar with, but I’ve been learning a lot as I’ve been reading.  Here we have the guy that had it all-Solomon–not just wealthy and wildly successful, but also considered the wisest man on earth.  He didn’t seem to really lose any of it, but still found himself questioning the point of life anyway.  It’s a bit of a melancholy read, actually.  But this too has helped give me perspective…sometimes we go through seasons where we will be more reflective & melancholy, and it drives us to think about the things that REALLY matter in the long run, rather than leaning on all the stuff and accolades in life to somehow make us happy.

5.  I feel like HOPE is a powerful thing.  Like many challenges in life, the way that you perceive the potential harm or good in your circumstance can very much determine how you persist through the challenge and how it all plays out (that’s what I believe anyway).  I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have hope!  Even when I’m homesick, there’s just something in me that believes everything is going to be fine in the long run.  And even better–I often think it won’t just be fine, but it will be great!  I hope that my job will become a place where I will thrive and grow as a professional, and where I can lead with grace and have a positive impact.  I hope I will make friends that will be fun, suckers for good adventure, have good character and people that live life to the fullest.   I hope for things I can’t really articulate or even imagine–but know they could be GOOD.  In that way, hope is like faith–sometimes hard to pinpoint how it works, but so real that it grounds me and anchors me, even when I’m feeling shaky.

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Responses

  1. Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Heb 11:1 (translation: can’t put it into words, but you somehow know what it means!)

    I would have despaired if I had not seen the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living; wait on the Lord, let your heart take courage; I say, wait on the Lord. Ps. 27: 13-14

  2. Enjoyed your introspection. I too experience the roller-coaster of homesickness and I am two years out from my big move. Not a daily struggle but certainly when I talk to Wesley on Skype or see pictures avila beach or smell the fall and am reminded of carefree times at Avila Barn…I am know my God is good and present and for me. You too know this. I am also starting a new job and experience the tumult of indecision and fear…Is it always something? But still have faithful and true friends here.
    I want you to know you are missed in the Rocky Mountain State, your joy, adventure (I wish I shared your taste for adventure) and candor. with love and affection.

    • Thanks, Karie! You are awesome–I love that you can totally relate! And you were even more brave and moved to another state!!!!

  3. Don’t worry, we sucker-for-adventures are everywhere. 😉 And I don’t always read long blog posts at work but I’m glad I stuck around to the end of this one – thanks for sharing!

  4. This made me homesick for my Charity and I am not the one that moved. Good thing we will be seeing you soon.


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