Posted by: charityliz | October 17, 2013

Wiving & Thriving: Episode 1

Scene: Our bathroom, three days after we moved-in together.  You know, that phase when the actual honeymoon is over and you’re setting up house together, and you’re still experiencing wedded bliss, but with a few unexpected surprises….

Jason (in a calm, cool and respectful manner):  So I’ve noticed that you’re one of those people that squeezes their toothpaste in the middle.  And, you see, I like to squeeze my tube from the bottom and fold it up.  It’s just neater that way.  So I’ve been thinking that we should probably just each have our own tubes of toothpaste.


Charity (having never really stopped and considered that there’s a method to squeezing the one’s tube): are you kidding me?


Jason: Uhhhh…


Charity (shocked, offended and annoyed):  You have GOT to be kidding me!!!  Do you mean you can’t share a toothpaste tube with me, just because I don’t squeeze it where you like?! How is that good for a marriage?!! (quickly spiraling)  I mean,  if we can’t share toothpaste, what does this say about all kinds of other things that we need to share??  Like how are we going to sleep in the same bed and live in the same house?!!


Jason (visibly shocked, confused and truly trying to stay calm):  It doesn’t have to mean all those things.  It’s just toothpaste.  I mean, there are a lot of things we have to share and do together, but toothpaste is not one of them and I just assume have my own tube so we can each do it our own way.  We will use up the toothpaste either way. And you used my toothpaste all through the honeymoon and I really just want my own now. 

Charity: I forgot my own toothpaste on the honeymoon so I had to borrow yours.


Jason: Yeah, I guess that was fine.  But for regular living, I just think it’s easier if we each have our own now.


Charity (after lots of other pointless spiraling and still very annoyed):  Well if sharing toothpaste with me really is absolutely not an option for you, then I guess we’ll just have to have our own tubes.   But I’m not happy about this.


Jason: OK.  (still wondering what the big deal is)


Issue resolved.  From that time forward, they each had a tube of toothpaste in the top drawer next to the bathroom sink.  And neither had to wonder who’s was who’s.

The irony:

About a week later, Jason discovers an interesting little fact when he finds a tube of toothpaste in the shower…that is, in her days of singleness & independence, Charity always preferred to have not just one tube of toothpaste, but three of her own–one in the shower, one for the bathroom sink and one in the travel kit.  Yes, it’s true.  Three.



Lesson:  She had so far forgotten the irony of her own habits that she failed to see that his preferences were actually quite like her own… only just a tad different. 😉

More about Wiving & Thriving.


  1. ha! love this and can I tell you that our tooth-related drawer looks just like this. I also squeeze my paste from the middle…as it was meant to be. Love reading your stuff, Chair. xo ~Lib

    • I always knew we were kindred spirits! -xoxo back at ya!

  2. Too funny! Tim and I have had different tubes of toothpaste since day1 because he can’t handle that I squeeze from the middle. It’s true love when I tell Tim we need to buy more toothpaste and he just goes in my drawer and reworks my tube neatly from the bottom and I realize there is more in that tube than I thought!

    • I can’t believe that you & Tim had the same issue! It seems like you guys are so much more mature than us! 😉

  3. I hope you find comfort in knowing that not only are you not the first to face this conundrum, but also not the first to let it escalate. I love hearing these things and swapping stories because in our shared experiences, there is some glimmer of hope that marital unity goes beyond toothpaste, the direction of the toilet paper, or how to fold towels (darn the bathroom for causing so much discord!). I do not at ALL minimize this, only share in the frustrations and inevitable realizations.
    Side note: we now use the kind of toothpaste that comes in a hard plastic container that sits upright. I don’t even think we talked about it, it was just on sale and it seems to do the trick!

    • @Candice — thanks so much for verifying that we are still somewhat “normal”. It’s hard to admit when you’re not perfect as a married couple, but then again it would be such a lie if I said we were! And it’s so much better to keep a good sense of humor about it! Feeling mega blessed that so many people can relate!

  4. Best line: “And you used my toothpaste all through the honeymoon and I really just want my own now.” I had to LOL. Cute story, Charity.

  5. Ah the joys of marriage, I like tape floss cause it is wider and seems to get the bits better. Amazing how the little things can be irritants till we realize our own mannerisms can also be an irritant. Glad you can chuckle about. Laughter cures lots of these things, especially when we laugh at ourselves.
    Love, laugh and do not go to bed angry with each other.

    Love ya
    Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

  6. Dad and i have separate tubes…and when I run out he is kind enough to let me use his. And yes, I’ve seen him to what Tim does for Debra!!!

  7. p.s. With all of the pre-marital counseling and books you read…wasn’t there ever a reference to this scenario?

    • That’s exactly what Jason said to me when we had finally agreed to disagree! — he was like, “didn’t you know this is like textbook…and that the psychologists say that people should just skip the argument and get different tubs of toothpaste. I was just doing what the psychologists recommend.” Apparently I had been zoning out through that part of my Counselor training. 😉

  8. “you used my toothpaste all through the honeymoon and I really just want my own now.” What a classic line. I just about split a gut when I read it. I felt like a fly on the wall watching it unfold. Thanks soooooo much for sharing this entertainingly insightful scene.

  9. Hilarious! We are a two tube, different brands toothpaste couple. It works so well. Gotta love it.

  10. Like Jason, I have my own areas of fastidiousness, but squeezing the toothpaste from the middle is the way to go. If you’ve got the energy to work it from the bottom when you’re going to bed, then you’re not staying up late enough.

    • Thomas, I’m SO glad to hear you’re in the “middle-squeezer” camp! And I couldn’t agree more — I’ve got better things to do than methodically roll my toothpaste tube– bedtime or not! 😉

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: